It has been a quiet and somewhat relaxing long weekend by staying at home. So glad that I have 3 days of break before the start of another week of treatments. All I have been doing is trying to eat, sleep, walk around the house, and stay calm. I can't help but to think if I was normal, these 5 things are the easiest thing to do. But because I am not well, these activities are so hard and consumes so much of my energy. Trying to eat has been by far my biggest daily challenge next to sleeping. I have to find ways to get myself eating more food such as telling my own brain that I am hungry, my body needs food to replenish and build strong cells, and there are lot of people out there who don't have food would love to be in my spot etc... I wonder all the time when will I finally recover and start to taste the food the way it is supposed to be. The doctor said that it may take a few months to a year after all my treatments are completed before I get my taste buds back. He also warned me that some people will lose it permanently. Whatever it will be, hopefully this is temporarily! Given that I'm trying to eat more now, hopefully, my body stays strong and will recover quickly. ^_^
I'm grateful to have a strong husband. Although I make fun of him that he can't tolerate physical pain well, however, he can certainly tolerate high levels of emotional pain. I used to take care of everything at home, from cleaning to cooking, feed/bath the little one to managing all household finances, bills, files etc... a portion of it got dumped on my hub's shoulders in the past 2 weeks. It has been a rough ride for him as it has for me. It also doesn't help when our little Jacob throws out all those toddler's tantrums that we hear about. My husband ended up sick for the past few days. I also know that it has been real hard for him to watch me suffer and there's nothing he can do. It also hurts me that I can't do any of the stuff I used to - for now. Hopefully, short term pain really means long term gain for all of us :)
Not sure how much of my recent experiences have impacted everyone around me but it sure does impact me greatly! I keep thinking, I was a healthy person wasn't I? I never smoke or do any drugs, drink mostly water for the majority of my entire life (with some occasional alcohol :p), I don't drink coffee, tea seldomly, cook and eat at home 75% of the time, no raw sushi or anything that is raw like oysters.... I do have my junk food days (ie. pizza, mcdonald, chips etc..) but again, I think I try my best to have a healthy diet as much as possible already. Also, I don't have any family history of critical illness (i.e. heart attack, cancer, etc...). I pro-actively check in with my family doctor and dentist on a regular basis for all my life. All my pots and pans are stainless steels except for 1 small non-stick fryer. I use glass Tupperware vs. plastics majority of the time. We barely use microwave. When it comes to canned food, I have less than 15 year round. For many years, we don't even buy instant noodles and eat it so rarely! For most people who knows me, would probably agree that I have a crazy active life and likes a clean (dust & clutter free) home! So WTH?! Who would have guessed that I would end up with this? At one point, I thought once my treatment is over, I'm gonna drop everything that I believed in and stop doing what I did. Maybe all I did is too much.... Maybe I do need some bacteria around, and eat more of the unhealthy stuff. Just a thought! However, I'm not going to do this. If anything, I need to be EVEN more careful what I put in my mouth and take everything that I did even more seriously!!! If I want to live a long life with my husband, achieve the goals we have in mind, watch our kids grow older and be there when we get grandchildren, take care my parents and in-laws, and enjoy more of everything....... more changes needs to happen. It starts with diet and exercise. Although I have always been active, the past 2-3 years, I dropped the word 'workout' out of the picture. I do mow the lawn, shovel snow, and clean the house.. but I guess this is not enough! Anything can be bought with money but not life. So, what more would I do differently? Beef is my favorite!! I love those Beef jerky and anything that has to do be with Beef. But since the day I found out about my health, I prayed and told god that if he can give help me recover and give me a healthy long life, I will cut beef out of my diet completely. I have always made sure I have carbs, 1 meat dish and 1 veggie dish on the table. Now, the entree should be vegetables vs. meat. Meat should act as a side. I think I'll move my diet more to fish and seafood vs. chicken and pork. Also, gonna make sure my fridge is filled with delicious and assorted fruits at all times!
Last but not the least, I think it all starts with the right mind set. If I feel good, my body will feel good. If I am positive, my body will make more good cells to fight what is bad vs. exhausting my happy cells to make me feel happy. If I can try to stay calm and remind myself to breath when I feel pain or faced with a tough situation, my body will be able to answer the situation right away. All easy said than done but I managed to do it last week! I must remind myself to not let my emotions take over as we move into week 3 of the treatment plan. I know I'm still climbing this tall mountain, I haven't reached the top yet. I cannot wait to get there and jump freely! My mind is already set on pulling a life celebration party at my home this summer when this is all over, inviting everyone that I know! That's my target and I will get there. :)
I didn't know my blog was inspiring, motivating, and helping people who knows me and strangers to reflect on their own life. My blogging intention off from the gecko is to have a place for me to spill my emotions, thoughts, and progress. Somewhere for me to keep everyone who cares about me up to date on how I feel and what is happening. Since I am not allowing visitors, and not talking these days until my treatment is over, I thought instead of me repeating a gazillion time every single update, a blog is probably a good thing to do. I'm glad that I am helping people while I'm not well. People always fascinate me and perhaps answer the reason why I chose business development as a career - an opportunity to be extravert and meet more people. I would love to hear more from everyone how my experience has changed or not changed their lives.
I am looking forward to Friday already! Although tomorrow is only Monday, this doesn't mean that I can't have the 'Friday' feeling every day.... so, I'm gonna try to keep those happy "Friday" day feeling over the next 5 days - blast off C cells!!
My past week favorite quotes from friends....
"Sometimes life does throw you lemons.... but it's up to us to turn them into lemonades"
I'll always remember my boss's favorite saying.... "This sucks. It's bad but we'll get through this.... Chin up"
"You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life. "
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