Finally came back home after spending 4 days downtown. A glance at my crazy week:
Monday: Radiation treatment and no food by midnight. Stayed at a hotel.
Tuesday: No Food, no water, and GI Tube Surgery. Stayed at PMH overnight.
Wednesday: Finally, 1st sip of water around 11am, and food at 1pm. 2 Radiation treatments and stayed at a hotel.
Thursday: Radiation treatment, see Specialist for weekly check-up, and see Chinese herbalist for follow-up and finally home at 7pm.
How do I feel? So glad that this week is over! OMG! I definitely lost my appetite to eat this week and it's not good. I have almost no more saliva which makes chewing food very difficult. Everything has a metallic/bitter taste, and my stomach still hurts from the GI tube insertion. It takes well over an hour for me to eat, if I can, half of bowl of something. Forcing myself to eat kills so much of my energy... no choice....must be done in order to regenerate new cells and keep my immune strong.
How was the GI surgery and process? It was pretty brutal but better than I expected. My strategy pre-surgery for the entire Tuesday was to stay in bed until after my surgery. I barely talk because my mouth was also dry. I gave my cellphone to my dad because I don't want to do anything to burn any calories since I didn't eat. I had to do my best to preserve my energy for the surgery and recovery so I only left my bed if I need to. Around 2pm, I was sent to TGH for the surgery but I had to wait 2hrs before they really took me in for it! When they took me inside the procedure room, they didn't knock me out completely. Also, I had to help them get this tube in from my mouth down to the stomach... they numb my throat a bit but I still felt everything. The doc told me that I may vomit during this process and it's normal. I told myself to relax as much as I can and cooperate because I don't want to vomit. I got nothing to vomit and it'll only make things worst. I actually almost gag but didn't and managed to stay strong somehow. Maybe the moment I was about to gag, I heard the doc said 'good the tube is in now' helped me stay relaxed and focus. Once the tube was in, I remember the drugs kicking in. I was feeling in and out of it. I remember feeling some crazy pressure and then pain when they punctured through my stomach. When the procedure was done, I was transported back to PMH and I slept for 2-3 hrs. Finally around 8pm, I woke up and I vomited. OMG!!! IT WAS SO PAINFUL!!! The nurse said that it was normal that my stomach acid came out. When I was ready, I had my dad and nurse help me get up sitting on the bed. I wanted to get up and walk around to help the recovery process. It sounds brutal to get up and walk after the surgery but in fact, I had to, I wanted to and the Doc told me to. Because I was in bed for almost 24 hrs, I need to get my circulation going and release any air that was pumped into my stomach during the procedure. I don't want my other organs to stop working. If I don't walk, the recovery would take even longer. When I finally managed to get myself up sitting on the bed, I remembered turning pale and felt blood gushing down. Before you know, I vomit for the 2nd time. OMG!! I tried to stay calm and focus on my breathing to relax and help soon the terrible pain. I remember leaning on the nurse shoulder for maybe 5 min. before opening my eyes and try again to slowly push myself to standing position. What a process and before you know, I was walking very slowly, went to the washroom, and did maybe 5 trips down the hallway. By around 11pm, the nurse gave me anti-nausea meds via IV and it totally knocked me out until 5am.
The next day I felt better but still in pain. I had 1 cough and it killed me! I was sooooo hungry and thirsty. Finally after my first round of radiation treatment in the morning, they let me sipping away water and suck on ice chips. Too bad losing weight is not an option here otherwise, I think I can go become a model again on the runway! I had to wait until 12pm to eat to give enough time for my stomach to recover. I called my dad and told him to bring me a Macchicken only, I need to try to eat it... I needed to pound up some calories for not eating for a whole day. The hospital brought me lunch but it was OMG nasty... literally a slice of wheat bread with a slice of cheddar cheese. I ate half of it anyway. My body needs nutrients to help me recover. Once the 2nd radiation treatment was over, left the hospital, checked in at the hilton hotel with my dad, did a round of walking, ate the dinner that my aunt made me, and tried to sleep. I couldn't sleep and before you know, my stomach CRAMPED UP! I was in so much pain and could barely breath properly. It lasted for like 5 min. but sure felt like it was forever. It was so freakin' painful...! But when the cramp was over, I realized that I didn't even shed a single tear. I don't know if it is a good thing or what but I guess my threshold for pain is pretty high. My husband asked me how is it compared to the Csection and the natural delivery that I had, I would probably rank the pain up there with the c-section but a bit less. I also said, if it was my husband, I don't think he will be able to handle this kind of pain. I once brought him for a facial, he teared up when the facialist was just trying to extract blackhead. My hub didn't disagree with me. He said that he don't know how many people can handle pain like I can. Not sure if he's complimenting me, or encouraging me.. whatever it is, I'll take it!
This week has been rough and tested me in every way! But I made it - with all of your help. Many of you sent me messages, prayed, and kept me going. Every time I am down a little, somehow I get a positive message that reminds me that I must fight. Thank you very much!! I keep telling myself every time I experiencing pain that I can't give up. 2 weeks finished and I worked too hard already. I must continue to work harder to earn my life back. I must also thank god for giving me strong parents to stand by my side and not spoiling me when I was young. Looking back, they didn't give me everything that I wanted when I was young. I cared when I was young but honestly, as I got older, I got over it. I didn't get my first barbie doll until I was like 12! The good thing out of this that started from a young age it taught me to learn to earn everything that I want. Life is not easy. If it is too easy, when there are dilemmas most people who had it too easy don't know how to handle it. If my parents gave me everything and an easy life, I am certain that I would not be able to fight this battle the way I have. I struggle sometimes trying to figure out how to teach my own child how to earn what he wants. I hope my perseverance, strong will to battle, and current life experience will be a meaningful one for him to be a good and useful human being one day.
"The will to win, the desire to succeed, the
urge to reach your full potential; These are the keys that will unlock
the door to personal excellence." - Confucius
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