Will I See Light at the End of this Tunnel?

So now, I finally share the news with my in-laws, it wasn't easy at all. They are very sad about this news and felt helpless.  I tried my best to cheer them up and to show them how to stay positive and how they can help me by thinking of the best will happen.  It hurts me to see them the way they took the news.  I really consider them as my own parents and I know being a parent to know that your child is not well, it hurts so much....

When will I see light at the end of this tunnel? The specialist reviewed my MRI results with me yesterday, I can't believe BAD... very BAD news can keep coming.    I am still trying to hang in there but I feel like hanging on to a thread this time.  They said that my cancer in my neck area is treatable with a lower dose of radiation.  The challenge is the portion that is behind my nose. It has extended close to my left eye.  So close to the optical nerve... this is the nerve that gives us the ability to see.  They thought for a long time and right now it seems like there are 2 radiation treatment options with compromises as follow:

a) They give me the high dose of radiation to kill the cancer cells. This would mean that 90% survival rate with a 10% chance re-occurrence.  This would mean that they will take out my optical nerve on my left eye and therefore, won't be able to see from this eye for the rest of my life.
b)  They give me a slightly lower dose of radiation in the same area but this may or may not kill all the cancer cells. There may be some left behind or not.  We don't know if that little bit does stay behind will continue or not continue to grow.  This treatment option translates to ~ 80% survival rate with a 20-25% chance of re-occurrence, and a 10-20% risk of the left eye going blind.

WHAT THE HELL?! Like having cancer is not bad enough and now I need to chose 1 of these crazy options?!  I'm beyond devastated. I tried to sleep last night but I couldn't! From time to time, my heart was racing so much.  I really don't want to lose my eye!! But I also want the highest survival success rate!!!!  Going with Option A nobody knows if I will have this reoccur.  With my luck these days, 10% seems such a big number to me.  However, going with Option B is also a tough call...  I might still go blind anyway 10-15 years down the road. And the fact that there may be some C cells left behind, that is effin' crazy! Who knows if these cells will continue to grow and maybe take over my entire head..???  I'm speechless.  What would you do in my shoes?

I NEED A MIRACLE! I need God to help me and help these specialists to come up with a better treatment plan than what they have shared with me so far.  Time is running out and I must make the decision before end of this week.  I'm seeing the specialist tomorrow to discuss this but I don't know if I am confident enough to make the decision.  My treatment needs to start next Monday. We don't want this cancer to progress!  I need God's help to make me stay calm, focus, positive, and to help me make the best and wise decision.   Which option is the best decision? *In tears...* Which one? This is such a tough call....

I almost want to be brave enough to say F*** this cancer! I'm gonna tell this cancer to leave me alone, go away and I'll give you my left eye as long you don't come back, give me a full, long, happy and healthy life. I DON"T have time to play this game! I don't have time to gamble! I'm a busy mom. Got a kid waiting for me to show him this world and help him reach his own goals. I got a loving husband that I need to spend more time with and enjoy EVEN more than ever before each other. I got a loving family, relatives, and friends that I cannot wait to celebrate, and hang out with! I DON'T HAVE TIME for it to reoccur and go through more treatments in the future.  I want to take all the time that I have in my lifetime to enjoy life.. live it... work it... do the things I love...  with my and only right eye.....  I'm trying to tell myself that many blind people would die to have even 1 eye working.  Maybe this is how I should keep telling myself.....  Is this the right decision?  OMG...  I don't know....  This has been by far the toughest and most challenging game I've been put in the field to deal with!!!!

Please help by praying for me.  Don't hesitate to reach out if you want. I don't feel like I'm being bothered. Instead, I need more positive attitude and energy to help me win this battle and gain a miracle.