Since I found out the radiation treatment options, I couldn't really rest well. Within 12 hrs of the news, to my surprise on Wednesday morning, I woke up knowing only 1 option that I will accept: the highest radiation grade is a must. I need the highest chance for survival. Sure it may compromise my left eye, but we don't know when this will happen and if it will happen. I don't want this cancer to come back. I want to make sure when I complete this treatment, I feel positive that my life is back in my own hands. I want to feel confident during the treatment. If this cancer ever comes back, at least I know I chose the ultimate option already. With the 60GY option, there are too many uncertainties and there is still a risk to lose my eye anyway. Hopefully, with the highest radiation option, I will really get the best out of it.
It's important to confirm and be confident of the choice that I made. So, I decided to reach out on Wednesday to everyone that I know and tell them about my challenge in the hope to get more 2nd opinions. I am so grateful to have so many families and friends that care about me. Those who are praying and thinking about me, thank you so much! Your prayers are helping and maybe that's why I got a lot of 2nd opinions. My critical illness insurance benefit allowed me to get a 2nd opinion from the world's best doctors. They were aware of the time crunch and managed to get the top docs recommendations on Friday. Between Wednesday and Thursday, family and friends are helping me reach the world to review my case; New york, Hong Kong, Guangzhou, Zhong Shan, etc... Thank you so much! You know who you are making all the phone calls and hook me up with other radiation oncologists, people who have gone through the same treatment etc... What a blessing! I feel so fortunate and grateful! By this morning at 4am, I have received a total of six 2nd opinions. We discussed and reviewed the options and reconfirmed that going with the ultimate 70 grade radiation is still the best as well as sticking to the PMH treatment plan.
Today, I finished 1 round of radiation treatment. OMG, can't believe I have 35 more to go and 6 doses of chemo. My treatment will require 7 weeks of 5 days radiation treatment. I will be going in every day for radiation therapy, it's gonna be a tiring one. Some of the side effects that we will start to see as early as 2 weeks in: loss of taste, hearing, major red/dry/itchy skin on my face and neck, severe sores inside the entire mouth, severe soar throat (10X worst then the regular one we normally get when we are sick), dry mouth... because my throat and mouth will be so soar and dry, I may not be able to eat. Next week, they will do a small surgery to insert a stomach tube. I cannot lose weight during this treatment period, otherwise, everything will be stopped. I must eat to re-build good and strong cells. Both Chemo and radiation treatments will not only kill the cancerous cells but also the good cells. So, eating good and all the foods I can is a must to maintain a strong immune and to rebuild all the tissues they burn through radiation. Hopefully, the side effects are not as bad as they told me. I no longer try to think about the side effects anymore. I keep telling myself that I will be fine soon and will be healthy once I'm done the treatment.
My Out-of-Hospital Treatment Strategic Plan
Although I can still talk right now, I chose not to if not needed. I want to preserve all my energy to keep the good cells strong and to rebuild more good ones. Sorry in advance if you call, I don't pick-up... you know why. My plan is to do restorative yoga once a week, light exercise such as walking a few minutes/day, eat everything as much as I can right now (since i won't be able to chew soon), continue to paint when I feel like it, and sleep as much as I can. I will also reach out to anyone for help if needed. I know in all of you heart, you know I am shy when it comes to asking for help. But trust me, this time I won't. Also, I will be washing my hands as often as I can, wearing my N95 Mask going in the hospital and at home when Jacob is around. He goes to daycare and bring home a lot of germs. I don't need a weaker body on top of what I am and will be going thru. So sad to see my baby want to hug me but got scared when I put on my mask. I cannot wait to burn this mask 2 months from now and be able to kiss him and hug him like I used to! :)
Here is the crazy awesome "fampower" that I have to help me along the way:
-My mom to focus on cooking and keeping house tidy
-My dad to drive me downtown everyday for treatment except the days I need to stay overnight or if the treatment is really early, it will be my brother who will take me
-My brother and sis-in-law standby to take care of me when I need to stay downtown, pick-up soup from family relatives... key contact for family and relatives to get my latest status
-My hubby to focus on going to work everyday, drop and pick Jake up from daycare, and let me vent if I need to :p
-Jacob will be my every day motivator and energizer kiddo for extra boost of positive energy
-Family relatives and my in-laws, are all on standby when I need anything they will come and help. They are all praying for me every day, will go to church for some who believes in god :)
-My nanny/housecleaner will come every 2 weeks to help tidy up the house.
Co-worker/Friends/Strangers: All are praying, thinking of me, cheering, and offering their hands to help with anything.
How to get in touch with me?
My body will get weaker and weaker. I'm not trying to be rude but I will say no to visitors for the next 2 months. I certainly don't want to catch anything and don't want to take any risk. This will also mean.... unfortunately, I won't be able to attend any events in the next 2 months. Once I am well, I will make it up to all of you! To all my dear family and friends, I love you dearly and I know you care so much about my condition. I will try my best to provide at least 1 blog update per week on my progress and emotions. You may text me but if I don't respond, don't freak out. It's not that I'm ignoring you. I may be at the hospital, busy or sleeping. I will text back as soon as I can. For family who wants to buy me food or make me soup etc... If i need anything, my parents, Phil or my brother will reach out. Please do not stop your daily routine because of me. I will feel extremely bad! :)
Going to get ready for bed now! Will be sleeping in a different room too so that I don't waken up by my little one and get more sleep. Thank you for reading and god bless you all. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment