Finally Radiation Treatment is Over But.....

Radiation treatments are over but I am living with crazy side effects. The past 2-3 days, I dropped my calorie intake by half because I cannot hold anything in my stomach.  My neck is at its all time high with 4 open wounds that burns with intense pain.  My throat, the entire lining is deteriorating and causing this crazy soar throat that I have ever had in my life!!!  My saliva glands are super busted... I constantly gag on the foamy saliva that is building up.  My nose is inflamed, because all the mucus lining inside is also breaking apart.  This experience is not easier than what I already faced with in the past few weeks.  All this time, I feel like someone is punching me in the face and I cannot react.  I must hold the pain in, let my emotions remain stable and try to put on a happy face.   When will I see the light..... when......  ????  I only got 4 weeks before my next chemo... I really want to recover as much as possible. I cannot help but to feel emotional.  I cannot help but to constantly think of my baby Charlotte that I've lost.  I cannot help but to shed a few tears in front of the folks who have been treating me, thanking them for their support, and sincere patience.  I feel like crap the fact that I am in this painful condition, cannot play or hang out with my Jake or my husband.  I know I've reached the top of the mountain but there is still a long path to walk towards the cliff before I can jump off and feel free.  This path is rough, I cannot run and must pace myself...... this journey is so long....  :(