Gratitude

No radiation treatment week 1 is finally over!  It was seriously a tough one! Only yesterday and today, the level of pain has diminished back to how I felt during the last week of radiation treatment.  Last week was so not easy because I wasn't able to eat and sleep.  I couldn't help but feeling nauseated and wanted to vomit.  I keep reminding myself what my boss told me.... to breath slowly and not think about it.  It worked at times but sometimes, my body just act so fast that the stomach acid just comes out before I can tell my brain to breath.  I tried hard to find ways to distract the pain in my throat but it only last for a few seconds.  It was good to see nice sunny weather last week but it was also not good for me because I had to quarantine myself inside the house wherever there is no sun rays coming in.  Not to mention, I had to super quarantine myself from my son 2 days ago since he ended up with a high fever and got booted out of daycare.  Good thing my parents are still around, they took shifts throughout the day and over the night to watch him as he sleep restlessly so that both Phil and I can get some good rest.  Nothing hurts me more than seeing my son sick, crying from a distant, reaching out his arms, calling for 'mommy' and asking me to go hug him.  And of course, I cannot and had to walk away and stay away from him.  Not the time to catch anything on top of what I'm trying to deal with.

GRATITUDE.  Yes, so many that I might even miss calling out everyone.  Last week was certainly a tough one but I had many people sending me messages to help me through.  My director reached and sent me her words of encouragement.  My Edmonton friend who is traveling in Asia sent me a text message from HK to see how I am doing after she read my last blog.  My best friend and her sister constantly checking up on me and remind me of the battle that I can't give up to.  My wedding planner, my mommy friends, ex-P&G colleagues, Phil's Aunts, etc... all sent me their positive energy.  My best friend from birth is supporting 'le Relais pour la vie Montréal-Centre' and has bought a candle of light to support the battle that I am fighting.  My cousins are like sisters and brothers.  Even my cousin's spouses reaches out to me and ask about my well being frequently.  So blessed and I do feel the love.  All my aunts and uncles, especially on my mother side, have been non-stop calling, dropping off stuff, and sending their thoughts and prayers to me.  They really treat me like their daughter and show me their love for me unconditionally.  I am so moved from all of this.  Daily now.. I feel emotional and starting to shed a tear here and there. I think they are happy tears.  People who knows me well know that I have a soft heart. I don't just shed a tear, I cry a Niagara Falls normally when I am happy or sad.  I know once I feel zero pain, the Niagara Falls will come and create probably create the 5 big lakes.  However, by then, hopefully, I am not crying alone and rather a whole gang of people will do that with me :).  And last but not the least, biggest gratitude to my parents who work so hard and endlessly helping me, the family etc.. the past 2 months.  My mom actually is on a temporary leave from work. As for my father has been non-stop juggling both working and taking me to my treatments.  He also travels back home every 2 weeks for a few days to settle business and would come back out again.  I know my parents are crazy workaholics and have super great energy level to help us the way they have.  They would get up any time my son wakes up in the middle of the night to calm him down as often as needed and then they are up and running around 8am to get things going. They don't go to bed until I do which is around midnight or 1am.  It has been like this for 2 months and I don't know what I would without them.  My parents are already around 60 and +. Not many people at this age can have this kind of energy and strength.  I am grateful, and thankful for God sending me strong parents to enable me to fight this battle at full blast!  I also need to thank God and everyone who has been praying for me daily to help me get through weekly challenges.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.  I am sad that I cannot celebrate it with my two lovely mothers.  I know my mom and in-law mom will understand.  For sure when I am well, we will all go out for a MEGA FEAST!  I told my husband not to buy me anything.  I don't normally ask for gifts... in fact, rarely.  But this year, I am asking for the gift for great health.  A gift that cannot be bought. I hope for great health as a mother's day gift so that I can live gazillion years of mother's day ahead.  I want to be able to see what Jacob makes me every year.  Yesterday, Jake came home with a small pot with soil and a nice big painted flower on a wooden popsicle stick inside.  He told me that is his Mother's day gift and it has a seed in it.  That just brighten my day! :)  He said that he needs to water and grow it.  I don't know what seed is in there but I guess we will find out with time.  To all my mommy friends/cousins and soon to be mothers, happy mother's day to all of you.  To all my aunts, who cares for me like a daughter, happy mother's day to you too! 

A couple of weeks ago, one of my friend put this together for me as I do look at it frequently trying to remind myself that I cannot give up.