Looking at this past year that we had, what a year is all I can say! I can't believe I am finally here with my family on our getaway trip. I can't believe I am finally in the stage trying to recover whereas 3-4 months ago, I can't even picture what this would look like. Now that I am finally trying to recover, slowly but surely, I didn't know it can be this hard. I realized that not only I need to recover from a mental and physical perspective but also my relationship with my family, my husband, and just plain old myself. This entire year, we had zero time to ourselves or even spending quality time with each other. This recovery is not what I have imagined back when everything started. A lot has happened, and a lot of thoughts been beating my mind. I realized I will need a lot of time to clear up these thoughts and the entire family needs to recover from all of this.
I am glad that I am away with my family and my best friend's family celebrating Christmas. Finally, god has rewarded us a time to recover and re-enjoy each other's existence vs. battling more challenges. I can't imagine if we were back home what that would be like fighting the cold and no power for X Days or hours after we have gone through a whole year of life and death challenges already. Thank you god for this and hopefully this vacation will help bring all of us closer, and less worries. A time to relax, recover, and reflect on what we should be focusing on in the coming years.
Last week, I received 3 tests results. My X-ray on my lower back shows clear and therefore the pain that I was having was likely do to something that I have done and didn't know I actually injured it.
Also, the colon cancer test as well as the test for any infections in my digestive tract were negative.
So, perhaps all that stomach pain are related to not being used to solid foods. I haven't really had pain for a while now. Hopefully it stays this way. I am very happy to share that I can finally eat more and drink a little less water with my meals. This also means that my saliva glands are slowly getting back to normal. Still quite a long way to go but at least very seldom I need to wake up in the middle of the night to sip some water for hydration. I am up and running errands as much as possible to distract myself from thinking too much. So far, I am not going back to work for another while. Until I can fully eat meals and no need to drink massive amounts of water I can't go back. My recovery ideas and plans starting Jan 2014 is to try to do some restorative yoga. I certainly want to take my walking to speed walking once a day for a few min. I want to continue my current chinese painting art class for another while and maybe even go back for some piano lessons or even consider Thai
boxing. My mind is all over the place and want to do so much. I plan on going back to see my
psychiatrist to help me clear up or control some of the thoughts I have. I also want to spend more
time with my husband and baby Jake. If time permits, I like to go on a few more trips with them
before I go back to work. Pretty much I have 3 roles I want to focus on daily: self, being a mother and wife. Once these roles are satisfied then it will likely go down to being a good sister, family member
and friends.
A final note, I wish everyone a very happy and Merry Christmas! Wherever you are, may the New Year brings you a lot of blessings and great health. I remember how everyone supported me and said that there is a light at the end of the tunnel when I felt like I was battling in the dark. A few weeks ago, I did a lot of self reflection and look back at the rough time I had. I want to let you know that in my heart and mind, I am very lucky because I wasn't in the dark at all. Although I may not be able to see the path ahead of me but every thoughts and prayers received, and everyone who reached out to me was like this tiny Christmas light that light up my dark tunnel. This so called dark tunnel I was
walking through, each person that supported me has created this warm light, and guided me to find
that light at the end of this. Thank you for your love and care. Have a happy new year!
One of my favorite old time karaoke songs and artist is "Hero" sang by Mariah Carey. I just
heard it twice in the past two nights and was reminded how powerful are the lyrics. Although I can't sing like I used to since my throat hasn't entirely recovered.... Just listening to it brings back a lot of memories. I hope you can listen to it too and it helps put a little fire in you. Whether or not you are fighting or going through a difficult time in your life, don't forget, we have a lot of control on our own actions and behaviors despite the challenge you may be facing. Hopefully you find this song motivating, empowering or just enjoy it like I do.
HERO sang by Mariah Carey
There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away
[Chorus:]
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear
[Chorus]
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way
[Chorus]
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