1 Week Down 6 More to Go

Finally, finished the first week of treatment. It was tough. It was not easy. Especially the day I had my first chemo and I had to stay overnight. You would think I'll be able to sleep through the night but no...it was like working an overnight shift. I was up almost every 1-2 hours either going to the washroom due to the amount of IV they gave me or waken up by the nurse to check my blood work and making sure I don't have a fever.  Because I was sharing a room with another patient, she was up doing the same thing at different times.  So, the entire night, I wasn't getting much sleep.  My sense of taste starts to lose itself and my appetite has decreased already. My mouth is getting dryer so making every bite I chew is more difficult. Every time I talk, my mouth gets even more dry.  I'm trying not to talk and preserve my energy as much as possible.

Finally the first week isn't  finished.  A lot tougher ones ahead, hopefully I don't hit the worst symptoms like my docs have mentioned to me.  Next week, I will be staying downtown for the majority of the week. I will be getting my GI tube inserted, and since next week we have good Friday, my Wednesday treatment plan is intense, I will get 2 radiation sessions in one day. I'm banning everyone from visiting me as well as me going out. I need to a lot of rest, cannot be out in the sun due to sensitive skin, and I cannot catch anything so no malls, no restaurants etc...

Thank you all who have been praying, and sending me positive energy messages my way.  I did feel like I was losing it at one point this week but with everyone sending me reminders how I must fight this battle keeps me going.

I came from a strong family that never gives up and will do their best to keep the family circle in tact.  I'm very blessed that I have so many members in my family that fought so much in their life, just to live/survive.  They are truly inspirational. I will share one of them: my grandma.  She just turned 94 yesterday. She didn't have an easy life when she was young. She ran away from the Japanese war in china with grandpa and 3 daughters.  She told me that back then people said that she was so stupid to drag her daughters along. They are just daughters and not sons.  Many people told her to give up and just leave the girls behind since my grandparents had very little money.  They suggest that she saves her own life instead.  But my grandma didn't listen and persisted. She never gave up. She told me: "how could I leave them when I gave birth to them. I am their mother and cannot be selfish.  If I leave them behind, they are so young, they will die and suffer and I will be the murder of my own children.  My heart told me to try my best and if they all die, then at least we all die together."  When she had food, she fed the kids first. I can't imagine the kind of stress and pain she was going through every single day. No money, don't know when they will have food to eat, and don't know if they will all survive.  What a tough life and my grandma was only in her 20's.  Her determination, love, beliefs, and strong will to battle led to her long life. A super happy one! She deserves it!  She is not rich but she has great loving children.  She has more than 13 grandchildren, and over 15 great-grandchildren soon.  How many people do you know that lives this long, blessed with children, grandchildren, and so many great grandchildren?!  She is so blessed to be able to see all grandchildren get married.  Money cannot buy this.  God has put her through a real rough test but she made it.

My grandma will be my motivation this coming week.  To be determined, stay strong and the belief that I will beat it.  It won't be easy but I must try.  A quote sent from my friend: " Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.." by Winston Churchill.

Our thoughts become words. Our words become our actions. Our actions become habits and our habits will built our character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

 Finally finished my abstract Cherry Blossom painting: