Day 3 - Ending the day with motivation

Last night, I vomited. I tried so hard not to for the entire day but in the end, around 11pm it had to come out. Right away, I asked Phil to get me a bottle of ensure so that I can chug it down!  I must not lose weight!!!  I need all the nutrients that I can get in order to build healthy cells.

Today, I felt nauseated and my mouth started to feel dry. My lymph nodes are a little more tender.  So, I guess this is a good sign that the radiation is working?!  My medical oncologist dr. was surprised that I was already feeling some of the side effects and said that I have a sensitive body.  Of course I have a sensitive body, it's not used to all these radiation and poison!! :p Hopefully, sensitive also means that my C cells are sensitive too! I want them all dead!! Muahaha..!! 

It's been a long day indeed! Finally finished my radiation treatment in the early evening and got my chemo IV.  I hate IV. I hate being poked!  Looking back at the past 3 weeks, I've been poked close to 15X already! In the past 8 weeks, I've been poked over 25X.  You think you would get used to needles as you get it more often, but no...  I hate it so much that it feels like it was my first time every time I get one. Oh well...  if this what it takes to kill all the C cells, I'll do it!  My aunt made me food and dropped it off at the hospital.  I had such a good appetite that I finished almost everything. I drank 4 bowls of seaweed/corn soup, and ate chicken stew with potato and carrots.  Yummy! Since I have such a good appetite all of the sudden, and the fact that I can still eat, I'm trying to eat as much as I can. I need to fatten up and store as much nutrients for the tough weeks ahead.  Next week, they've already scheduled me to get a stomach tube. This would mean a small surgery and yes another IV must....  I'm gonna be the queen of being poked!

My mood today is overall good. My father is with me at all time.  We talked about life, people, investments, my goals, etc..  then I went off telling him about the good people at my work and funny stories.  When we finally came to the hospital, I checked into my room for the night, I felt sad.  I'm sharing a room with another girl.  I'm not sad because I'm sharing a room with her but because she is younger than me and also have cancer. She has cancer in her spine.  She came to Canada from China to study, and work.  She is the only child.  I had the opportunity to meet her father and mother who were next to her.  Good thing I took an 8 months mandarin course when I was in university otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to talk to them.  The reason I feel sad for her is because she is so young, and is going through so much. She came to Canada with a dream: study and work hard for 8 years but now stuck in the hospital fighting cancer. She told me for her first few treatments, she was by herself and didn't have a place to stay. She had to ask the hospital for a long term bed until her parents arrive and rent a place.  I also feel so sorry for her parents, only 1 child and have to go through this.  She has already gone through 6 doses of chemo. She will start radiation soon for several weeks and when she is healthier, they need to do a surgery to remove the tumour. What a crazy intense treatment plan she has!  Also, today is her birthday too! Spending it at the hospital!  The nurse gave her a small cake and docs who passes by the room would pop their head inside to wish her a happy birthday.  OMG!  I feel so sorry and sad that she is celebrating it this way.  As we continue to talk, I realized that I shouldn't be sad. Both her parents and herself are actually very relaxed, happy, and positive about what is going on.  They don't seem to fear anything and believe strongly that she will  be ok.  I'm inspired and motivated.  With so little support and they managed to continue to stay strong.  I keep telling myself, I must not be weak either.  I'm lucky to have a huge network of family and friends to support me. No matter how painful my coming weeks will be, I must try to stay positive and believe that I will be ok. There are people every day fighting to live, especially in poor countries.  They don't know when they will have food to eat.  When they do have food to eat, they don't know if they will survive. Every day for these people are a stressful one because they are suffering so much and can only dream for a tomorrow at a time.  So, all this to say that although I'm going thru this, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Together with technology, high end specialists, family, friends, colleagues, and many strangers who are praying for me too, I will live.  The only way to believe.

"Anything can be done as long you are not in denial. No matter how much people wants to help you, if you are in denial, it's game over. "  My former manager at Fairchild TV once told me. Face it is the way to go! :)