It has been a while since I blogged! Finally, finished my second last round of chemo last week. Glad it is over because it was a rough one! I don't understand why licensed IV nurse poke patients every day for a living and cannot find the right vein on the first try! I had to go through 3 pokes before the nurse located a vein and can thread through the 8 inch long tube into it! I swear I was about to collapse when she poked me the 2nd time and told me that the tube wouldn't thread through again. When she asked me if I would let her do it one more time at a different location, I was about to say no but I decided to give her one last chance. I was praying to god in my head asking him to help this nurse and in the end, she managed to get a vein on my right arm and thread through the freakin' 8 inch long tube. It really sucks that my right arm was used for chemo again this round. I felt pretty paralyzed from it and somehow, as the last day of treatment got closer, I don't know what happen but I end up pulling my right side shoulder blade muscle!!! ARG!!! I was in so much pain! Just trying to breath hurts so much! I couldn't get in or out of bed without slowly laying down on my left side and roll up like a worm. At last, today I feel a lot better.... well rested after spending this past week just sleeping throughout the day.
One more treatment to go - fingers crossed! It is scheduled for the end of this month as long my bloodwork shows that I'm ready for it. I really hope it is the last treatment for the rest of my life. I cannot wait to this over with and mainly focus on recovery. Physically, if anyone sees me wouldn't probably know what the hell I have been going through with the exception that I look a lot skinnier than before. I do still have a few dark spots/scars left on my neck due to radiation treatments but they are slowly fading away. In terms of diet, I try to eat a bit more but it is not easy when my mouth is constantly dry. I am mainly living off Ensures but also with a small amount of food. Maybe I haven't eaten for a long time or been drinking too much Ensure.... I can't help but to crave for all the bad food you can imagine! I dreamed of eating my favorite Lays ketchup chips now! I crave for instant noodles with Spam meat (this is something I used to eat maybe twice a year)! I crave for pizza, mcdonalds, fried food, seafood.... all of which I cannot eat! I don't want to crave for this type of food but I cannot help it. Everything I eat is so plain and must be plain because of my busted taste buds! On the bright side, I started to eat a bit more fruits!! Before, I couldn't because everything turns extremely sour once it enters my mouth! I managed to eat 5-10 blueberries, a few pieces of fresh figs, a few slices of small oranges and apples. I felt pretty miserable in the past week because chemo took a toll on me but also started to ask the question why this process can't be a bit easier and why I am not recovering faster....
I cannot describe the feelings I have right now. I can't say I am happy but I am also not sad. I am maybe a bit confused... maybe feel a bit uncertain about things.... Got some thoughts going on that I want to blog about however, don't feel ready to share just about yet. That is it for now.... I'll blog soon again......
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