Ok... so I waited for this day for so long to get my GI tube removed out of my stomach!! I was pretty anxious to get it removed two Tuesday ago but didn't know it would come with this much pain!!! Yes.. no stitch needed they said. They said that once the tube is out,
the stomach is a muscle, that muscle actually close the hole right away
and will heal like a muscle... as for the skin, the hole on the outisde
of my stomach/skin, it is slightly smaller than a dime size and it will
heal on its own too. When they yank this tube out, they literally just
pull it out. But the problem is, the outside whole is slightly smaller
than a dime size but on the inside there is this anchor like a mushroom cap to prevent the tube falling out and the size is almost like a dollar coin. So, you can imagine
how painful it is when they yank this tube out... a dollar coin trying
to fit through a slightly smaller than a dime sized hole?!! I was
in so much pain and was terribly shocked when the damn thing came out and I almost
wanted to beat the doctor up especially when he said it is out, don't
worry now, no more pain... do you want to see the
tube immediately after the removal? I was like, I can't even catch my breath, and all i can feel at
the time is pain and trying to digest what just happened.... he asked
me if i wanted to see the damn tube?! Of course not!!!!! Throw it out!!!
I couldn't even talk because I was so shocked and in pain! I gave him a no answer by shaking my head gently and giving him the deepest 'cut
eye' look and he right away said oh ok and looked away! I think he
realized that he asked me a bad question at the wrong time and was embarrassed!! Then
right away after a min of break.. i had to hold two nurses hand for the doctor
to sanitize the open wound with these sticks and it literally burn everytime he touched the wound with it!!! At that point, all I remember is a few tears slowly creeping out of my eyes and onto the side of my upper cheeks and dripping off the side of my ears! The
entire process was like only 5-10min. However, I wasn't allowed to eat past
9am because my appointment was for 1pm but they didn't take me in for
the procedure until literally like almost 4pm!!!! I waited for so long!!! I
didn't eat
nor drink water since 9am!! And after the procedure, I wasn't allowed to drink or eat for another 4 hrs! They wanted to give enough time for my stomach to calm down. They also recommended me to sip water after 4hrs vs. gulping down a cup of water right away to help my stomach adjust and prevent crazy leakage form the wound! UGH... anyway, I was pretty worked up on
that Tuesday... What a day and week!! Took me a few days before I went back to eating and drinking ensure the way I have been for the past month. Pain is pain. I don't think I will ever get used to it! I recalled telling the nurses when they helped me get up from the procedure bed that I felt like I delivered a baby but through my stomach!!! LOL... they laughed pretty hard and said back to me that I should be fine if I can joke like that... But was I?! haha... I guess so.... LOL
Finally, this past weekend I managed to make one of mine and Jake's dream come true! Jake is only 2.5 years old but he is a pretty smart kid and definitely knows that something is up with me for the past 6 months. Not sleeping in the same room with daddy, constantly have these nurses coming into our houses with gadgets checking up on his mommy, mommy drinking these cans of ensure vs. eating at the table regular food, got these pipes in and out of my body, cannot spend time with him etc... He constantly ask for the past few months "mommy doctor? Mommy hurt?". I cannot help but to tell him the truth and said 'yes, mommy doctor and mommy is hurt... but very soon mommy will be fine. When mommy no more doctor and no more hurt.... mommy will travel with Jake. Mommy will bring Jake to the zoo.' Jake would reply back 'yes mommy... I want to take bus and taxi.... and uhm.. I want to see BIG elephant and alligator...'. Once in a while, he would take my hand and give a kiss on the back of my hand. So many times, I get worked up with emotions when he does that but I tried to stay strong and don't allow him to see me about to bawl. I have managed to hold it in and simply tell him ' thank you Jacob for kissing mommy... I love you very much'. So this past weekend, finally brought Jacob too the zoo in a very late afternoon. I paced myself when I was there by walking slowly, breaking and taking a seat while Phil took Jake inside some of the exhibits, and I definitely cover up myself with this large thin scarf, big beach hat, wearing comfortable clothing and running shoes, and brought 3L of water with me to sip away during our 2.5 hrs adventure with Jake :) Pretty beat after that. Only today I realized that both of my left and right ankles looked bruised!!! It does hurt but not crazily like the time I pulled a tendon around the inside of my ankle. Looks like my recovery is happening but surely not fast enough... Will definitely need to pace myself more when it comes to walking and doing any exercise!!!
Just before my GI tube removal, I have received so many thoughtful gifts. I feel bad that everyone is spoiling me during this tough time.... seriously.. I do.... I will need to do something real good to return those kind hearts and thoughtful gifts that I got from so many people so far. First, Phil's cousin from Vancouver was over for their brother's wedding. They bought me a Pandora charm 'hugs and kisses'. One of my best friend that lives north of Toronto also bought me this lovely bag, book and scarf... it was meant to be used during the treatments but it is all good cause I can still make good use of it even now :) My other best friend in Montreal ordered me a 'no more chemo cake' and also sang me the 'no more chemo song'. It is a camp Trillium tradition where they would sing and bake this cake whenever the children have completed their treatment. My other best friend in town sent me a surprised card... very touching and kind words that brought tears to my eyes. My sister-in-law and brother who just came back from Hawaii also bought me a Pandora charm to celebrate the end of my treatments. I just can't help but to feel so spoiled, blessed, and thankful for all these gifts. More importantly, is the good relationship and care that I have been continuously getting from everyone regardless tangible gifts or not. The majority of my friends, especially the ones who have a family have been constantly reaching out and checking up on my progress. Totally blessed with great friends and family members. I am definitely a lucky girl. :)
I will continue to update my blog on a regular 1-1.5 weeks basis. I will be going in to do a bloodwork this week to see if I have somewhat gone back to normal since the last chemo. I will also be going through PMH to get my teeth examined. My final testing and review should be next month. I think my eyesight test is in October. Recently, I have been feeling good and strong. When people told me that I will come out stronger even more than before after going through this. I now start to believe it cause definitely, I feel like I have been 'empowered'. Something beyond the simple word 'strong'. I feel like I really need to out and do something crazy!! Nothing can really be move devastating than to lose your own daughter within a few min. of birth and literally going through my own life and death experience. I definitely feeling like I want to be a new me and will be one. I am feeling positive about my future and goals. I can't wait to spend the next few months working on recovery and hopefully, bring some of my goals to fruition next year. I am super duper excited, pumped, and empowered with positive energy! I just haven't really figured out my recovery plan.... once I get the recovery plan figured out, I will certainly share it in my blog. Slowly feels like my body is coming back together, another step closer to the end of this traumatic experience.
No comments:
Post a Comment