Last night, I vomited. I tried so hard not to for the entire day but in
the end, around 11pm it had to come out. Right away, I asked Phil to get
me a bottle of ensure so that I can chug it down! I must not lose
weight!!! I need all the nutrients that I can get in order to build
healthy cells.
Today, I felt nauseated and my mouth started to feel dry. My lymph nodes are a little more tender. So, I guess this is a good sign that the radiation is working?! My medical oncologist dr. was surprised that I was already feeling some of the side effects and said that I have a sensitive body. Of course I have a sensitive body, it's not used to all these radiation and poison!! :p Hopefully, sensitive also means that my C cells are sensitive too! I want them all dead!! Muahaha..!!
It's been a long day indeed! Finally finished my radiation treatment in the early evening and got my chemo IV. I hate IV. I hate being poked! Looking back at the past 3 weeks, I've been poked close to 15X already! In the past 8 weeks, I've been poked over 25X. You think you would get used to needles as you get it more often, but no... I hate it so much that it feels like it was my first time every time I get one. Oh well... if this what it takes to kill all the C cells, I'll do it! My aunt made me food and dropped it off at the hospital. I had such a good appetite that I finished almost everything. I drank 4 bowls of seaweed/corn soup, and ate chicken stew with potato and carrots. Yummy! Since I have such a good appetite all of the sudden, and the fact that I can still eat, I'm trying to eat as much as I can. I need to fatten up and store as much nutrients for the tough weeks ahead. Next week, they've already scheduled me to get a stomach tube. This would mean a small surgery and yes another IV must.... I'm gonna be the queen of being poked!
My mood today is overall good. My father is with me at all time. We talked about life, people, investments, my goals, etc.. then I went off telling him about the good people at my work and funny stories. When we finally came to the hospital, I checked into my room for the night, I felt sad. I'm sharing a room with another girl. I'm not sad because I'm sharing a room with her but because she is younger than me and also have cancer. She has cancer in her spine. She came to Canada from China to study, and work. She is the only child. I had the opportunity to meet her father and mother who were next to her. Good thing I took an 8 months mandarin course when I was in university otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to talk to them. The reason I feel sad for her is because she is so young, and is going through so much. She came to Canada with a dream: study and work hard for 8 years but now stuck in the hospital fighting cancer. She told me for her first few treatments, she was by herself and didn't have a place to stay. She had to ask the hospital for a long term bed until her parents arrive and rent a place. I also feel so sorry for her parents, only 1 child and have to go through this. She has already gone through 6 doses of chemo. She will start radiation soon for several weeks and when she is healthier, they need to do a surgery to remove the tumour. What a crazy intense treatment plan she has! Also, today is her birthday too! Spending it at the hospital! The nurse gave her a small cake and docs who passes by the room would pop their head inside to wish her a happy birthday. OMG! I feel so sorry and sad that she is celebrating it this way. As we continue to talk, I realized that I shouldn't be sad. Both her parents and herself are actually very relaxed, happy, and positive about what is going on. They don't seem to fear anything and believe strongly that she will be ok. I'm inspired and motivated. With so little support and they managed to continue to stay strong. I keep telling myself, I must not be weak either. I'm lucky to have a huge network of family and friends to support me. No matter how painful my coming weeks will be, I must try to stay positive and believe that I will be ok. There are people every day fighting to live, especially in poor countries. They don't know when they will have food to eat. When they do have food to eat, they don't know if they will survive. Every day for these people are a stressful one because they are suffering so much and can only dream for a tomorrow at a time. So, all this to say that although I'm going thru this, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Together with technology, high end specialists, family, friends, colleagues, and many strangers who are praying for me too, I will live. The only way to believe.
"Anything can be done as long you are not in denial. No matter how much people wants to help you, if you are in denial, it's game over. " My former manager at Fairchild TV once told me. Face it is the way to go! :)
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Treatment Day 2
2 Radiation Therapies down, 33 more to go! Many of you must wonder how I feel today, I am trying to hang in there. I feel tired, a little nauseated, stuffed right nose, and headache. Maybe because I'm tired, I start to lose my appetite. As much as I don't want to eat, I'm trying to eat something every 1-2 hours. You would think sleeping in a different room I will be able to sleep like a beauty but it wasn't easy. My nose was stuffed and got a headache on and off. Sometime in the middle of the night, I hear Jake crying and saying "mommy... mommy...etc..". I stayed in my room and didn't go out to see him. My mom went in and put him back to sleep.
Tonight, I am going to bed in 30 min. Hopefully, I'll be able to sleep better. Going to drink those nasty chinese herbs and hopefully it can help me sleep. If I am getting headache again, I'm gonna pop a tylenol around midnight. Got a big day tomorrow! Will start chemo and continue radiation therapy. It will be my first time leaving Phil and Jake, not returning home, for 3 days. These 3 days are not vacation unfortunately... but I will try to make the best out of it. To keep me busy and distracted when I am not tired, I am going to bring my macbook air so that I can surf the net, maybe write a blog, and watch my chinese drama shows online. Hopefully the next few days is going to fly by so that I can say TGIF soon!!!
A great quote that I received today from my best friend: "Cancer may have started this fight, but I will finish it!" ~ I will be a SURVIVOR coming out of this!
Tonight, I am going to bed in 30 min. Hopefully, I'll be able to sleep better. Going to drink those nasty chinese herbs and hopefully it can help me sleep. If I am getting headache again, I'm gonna pop a tylenol around midnight. Got a big day tomorrow! Will start chemo and continue radiation therapy. It will be my first time leaving Phil and Jake, not returning home, for 3 days. These 3 days are not vacation unfortunately... but I will try to make the best out of it. To keep me busy and distracted when I am not tired, I am going to bring my macbook air so that I can surf the net, maybe write a blog, and watch my chinese drama shows online. Hopefully the next few days is going to fly by so that I can say TGIF soon!!!
A great quote that I received today from my best friend: "Cancer may have started this fight, but I will finish it!" ~ I will be a SURVIVOR coming out of this!
I'm gonna end this blog by sharing a song that my family friend has sent me recently:
"Blessing" by Laura Story
Many of you know how much love I have for singing... unfortunately, my voice will slowly loose it from the radiation treatments. Since I can't sing this for a while, perhaps you can sing on my behalf. :)
Monday, March 18, 2013
Decision and First Treatment
Since I found out the radiation treatment options, I couldn't really rest well. Within 12 hrs of the news, to my surprise on Wednesday morning, I woke up knowing only 1 option that I will accept: the highest radiation grade is a must. I need the highest chance for survival. Sure it may compromise my left eye, but we don't know when this will happen and if it will happen. I don't want this cancer to come back. I want to make sure when I complete this treatment, I feel positive that my life is back in my own hands. I want to feel confident during the treatment. If this cancer ever comes back, at least I know I chose the ultimate option already. With the 60GY option, there are too many uncertainties and there is still a risk to lose my eye anyway. Hopefully, with the highest radiation option, I will really get the best out of it.
It's important to confirm and be confident of the choice that I made. So, I decided to reach out on Wednesday to everyone that I know and tell them about my challenge in the hope to get more 2nd opinions. I am so grateful to have so many families and friends that care about me. Those who are praying and thinking about me, thank you so much! Your prayers are helping and maybe that's why I got a lot of 2nd opinions. My critical illness insurance benefit allowed me to get a 2nd opinion from the world's best doctors. They were aware of the time crunch and managed to get the top docs recommendations on Friday. Between Wednesday and Thursday, family and friends are helping me reach the world to review my case; New york, Hong Kong, Guangzhou, Zhong Shan, etc... Thank you so much! You know who you are making all the phone calls and hook me up with other radiation oncologists, people who have gone through the same treatment etc... What a blessing! I feel so fortunate and grateful! By this morning at 4am, I have received a total of six 2nd opinions. We discussed and reviewed the options and reconfirmed that going with the ultimate 70 grade radiation is still the best as well as sticking to the PMH treatment plan.
Today, I finished 1 round of radiation treatment. OMG, can't believe I have 35 more to go and 6 doses of chemo. My treatment will require 7 weeks of 5 days radiation treatment. I will be going in every day for radiation therapy, it's gonna be a tiring one. Some of the side effects that we will start to see as early as 2 weeks in: loss of taste, hearing, major red/dry/itchy skin on my face and neck, severe sores inside the entire mouth, severe soar throat (10X worst then the regular one we normally get when we are sick), dry mouth... because my throat and mouth will be so soar and dry, I may not be able to eat. Next week, they will do a small surgery to insert a stomach tube. I cannot lose weight during this treatment period, otherwise, everything will be stopped. I must eat to re-build good and strong cells. Both Chemo and radiation treatments will not only kill the cancerous cells but also the good cells. So, eating good and all the foods I can is a must to maintain a strong immune and to rebuild all the tissues they burn through radiation. Hopefully, the side effects are not as bad as they told me. I no longer try to think about the side effects anymore. I keep telling myself that I will be fine soon and will be healthy once I'm done the treatment.
My Out-of-Hospital Treatment Strategic Plan
Although I can still talk right now, I chose not to if not needed. I want to preserve all my energy to keep the good cells strong and to rebuild more good ones. Sorry in advance if you call, I don't pick-up... you know why. My plan is to do restorative yoga once a week, light exercise such as walking a few minutes/day, eat everything as much as I can right now (since i won't be able to chew soon), continue to paint when I feel like it, and sleep as much as I can. I will also reach out to anyone for help if needed. I know in all of you heart, you know I am shy when it comes to asking for help. But trust me, this time I won't. Also, I will be washing my hands as often as I can, wearing my N95 Mask going in the hospital and at home when Jacob is around. He goes to daycare and bring home a lot of germs. I don't need a weaker body on top of what I am and will be going thru. So sad to see my baby want to hug me but got scared when I put on my mask. I cannot wait to burn this mask 2 months from now and be able to kiss him and hug him like I used to! :)
Here is the crazy awesome "fampower" that I have to help me along the way:
-My mom to focus on cooking and keeping house tidy
-My dad to drive me downtown everyday for treatment except the days I need to stay overnight or if the treatment is really early, it will be my brother who will take me
-My brother and sis-in-law standby to take care of me when I need to stay downtown, pick-up soup from family relatives... key contact for family and relatives to get my latest status
-My hubby to focus on going to work everyday, drop and pick Jake up from daycare, and let me vent if I need to :p
-Jacob will be my every day motivator and energizer kiddo for extra boost of positive energy
-Family relatives and my in-laws, are all on standby when I need anything they will come and help. They are all praying for me every day, will go to church for some who believes in god :)
-My nanny/housecleaner will come every 2 weeks to help tidy up the house.
Co-worker/Friends/Strangers: All are praying, thinking of me, cheering, and offering their hands to help with anything.
How to get in touch with me?
My body will get weaker and weaker. I'm not trying to be rude but I will say no to visitors for the next 2 months. I certainly don't want to catch anything and don't want to take any risk. This will also mean.... unfortunately, I won't be able to attend any events in the next 2 months. Once I am well, I will make it up to all of you! To all my dear family and friends, I love you dearly and I know you care so much about my condition. I will try my best to provide at least 1 blog update per week on my progress and emotions. You may text me but if I don't respond, don't freak out. It's not that I'm ignoring you. I may be at the hospital, busy or sleeping. I will text back as soon as I can. For family who wants to buy me food or make me soup etc... If i need anything, my parents, Phil or my brother will reach out. Please do not stop your daily routine because of me. I will feel extremely bad! :)
Going to get ready for bed now! Will be sleeping in a different room too so that I don't waken up by my little one and get more sleep. Thank you for reading and god bless you all. :)
It's important to confirm and be confident of the choice that I made. So, I decided to reach out on Wednesday to everyone that I know and tell them about my challenge in the hope to get more 2nd opinions. I am so grateful to have so many families and friends that care about me. Those who are praying and thinking about me, thank you so much! Your prayers are helping and maybe that's why I got a lot of 2nd opinions. My critical illness insurance benefit allowed me to get a 2nd opinion from the world's best doctors. They were aware of the time crunch and managed to get the top docs recommendations on Friday. Between Wednesday and Thursday, family and friends are helping me reach the world to review my case; New york, Hong Kong, Guangzhou, Zhong Shan, etc... Thank you so much! You know who you are making all the phone calls and hook me up with other radiation oncologists, people who have gone through the same treatment etc... What a blessing! I feel so fortunate and grateful! By this morning at 4am, I have received a total of six 2nd opinions. We discussed and reviewed the options and reconfirmed that going with the ultimate 70 grade radiation is still the best as well as sticking to the PMH treatment plan.
Today, I finished 1 round of radiation treatment. OMG, can't believe I have 35 more to go and 6 doses of chemo. My treatment will require 7 weeks of 5 days radiation treatment. I will be going in every day for radiation therapy, it's gonna be a tiring one. Some of the side effects that we will start to see as early as 2 weeks in: loss of taste, hearing, major red/dry/itchy skin on my face and neck, severe sores inside the entire mouth, severe soar throat (10X worst then the regular one we normally get when we are sick), dry mouth... because my throat and mouth will be so soar and dry, I may not be able to eat. Next week, they will do a small surgery to insert a stomach tube. I cannot lose weight during this treatment period, otherwise, everything will be stopped. I must eat to re-build good and strong cells. Both Chemo and radiation treatments will not only kill the cancerous cells but also the good cells. So, eating good and all the foods I can is a must to maintain a strong immune and to rebuild all the tissues they burn through radiation. Hopefully, the side effects are not as bad as they told me. I no longer try to think about the side effects anymore. I keep telling myself that I will be fine soon and will be healthy once I'm done the treatment.
My Out-of-Hospital Treatment Strategic Plan
Although I can still talk right now, I chose not to if not needed. I want to preserve all my energy to keep the good cells strong and to rebuild more good ones. Sorry in advance if you call, I don't pick-up... you know why. My plan is to do restorative yoga once a week, light exercise such as walking a few minutes/day, eat everything as much as I can right now (since i won't be able to chew soon), continue to paint when I feel like it, and sleep as much as I can. I will also reach out to anyone for help if needed. I know in all of you heart, you know I am shy when it comes to asking for help. But trust me, this time I won't. Also, I will be washing my hands as often as I can, wearing my N95 Mask going in the hospital and at home when Jacob is around. He goes to daycare and bring home a lot of germs. I don't need a weaker body on top of what I am and will be going thru. So sad to see my baby want to hug me but got scared when I put on my mask. I cannot wait to burn this mask 2 months from now and be able to kiss him and hug him like I used to! :)
Here is the crazy awesome "fampower" that I have to help me along the way:
-My mom to focus on cooking and keeping house tidy
-My dad to drive me downtown everyday for treatment except the days I need to stay overnight or if the treatment is really early, it will be my brother who will take me
-My brother and sis-in-law standby to take care of me when I need to stay downtown, pick-up soup from family relatives... key contact for family and relatives to get my latest status
-My hubby to focus on going to work everyday, drop and pick Jake up from daycare, and let me vent if I need to :p
-Jacob will be my every day motivator and energizer kiddo for extra boost of positive energy
-Family relatives and my in-laws, are all on standby when I need anything they will come and help. They are all praying for me every day, will go to church for some who believes in god :)
-My nanny/housecleaner will come every 2 weeks to help tidy up the house.
Co-worker/Friends/Strangers: All are praying, thinking of me, cheering, and offering their hands to help with anything.
How to get in touch with me?
My body will get weaker and weaker. I'm not trying to be rude but I will say no to visitors for the next 2 months. I certainly don't want to catch anything and don't want to take any risk. This will also mean.... unfortunately, I won't be able to attend any events in the next 2 months. Once I am well, I will make it up to all of you! To all my dear family and friends, I love you dearly and I know you care so much about my condition. I will try my best to provide at least 1 blog update per week on my progress and emotions. You may text me but if I don't respond, don't freak out. It's not that I'm ignoring you. I may be at the hospital, busy or sleeping. I will text back as soon as I can. For family who wants to buy me food or make me soup etc... If i need anything, my parents, Phil or my brother will reach out. Please do not stop your daily routine because of me. I will feel extremely bad! :)
Going to get ready for bed now! Will be sleeping in a different room too so that I don't waken up by my little one and get more sleep. Thank you for reading and god bless you all. :)
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Will I See Light at the End of this Tunnel?
So now, I finally share the news with my in-laws, it wasn't easy at all. They are very sad about this news and felt helpless. I tried my best to cheer them up and to show them how to stay positive and how they can help me by thinking of the best will happen. It hurts me to see them the way they took the news. I really consider them as my own parents and I know being a parent to know that your child is not well, it hurts so much....
When will I see light at the end of this tunnel? The specialist reviewed my MRI results with me yesterday, I can't believe BAD... very BAD news can keep coming. I am still trying to hang in there but I feel like hanging on to a thread this time. They said that my cancer in my neck area is treatable with a lower dose of radiation. The challenge is the portion that is behind my nose. It has extended close to my left eye. So close to the optical nerve... this is the nerve that gives us the ability to see. They thought for a long time and right now it seems like there are 2 radiation treatment options with compromises as follow:
a) They give me the high dose of radiation to kill the cancer cells. This would mean that 90% survival rate with a 10% chance re-occurrence. This would mean that they will take out my optical nerve on my left eye and therefore, won't be able to see from this eye for the rest of my life.
b) They give me a slightly lower dose of radiation in the same area but this may or may not kill all the cancer cells. There may be some left behind or not. We don't know if that little bit does stay behind will continue or not continue to grow. This treatment option translates to ~ 80% survival rate with a 20-25% chance of re-occurrence, and a 10-20% risk of the left eye going blind.
WHAT THE HELL?! Like having cancer is not bad enough and now I need to chose 1 of these crazy options?! I'm beyond devastated. I tried to sleep last night but I couldn't! From time to time, my heart was racing so much. I really don't want to lose my eye!! But I also want the highest survival success rate!!!! Going with Option A nobody knows if I will have this reoccur. With my luck these days, 10% seems such a big number to me. However, going with Option B is also a tough call... I might still go blind anyway 10-15 years down the road. And the fact that there may be some C cells left behind, that is effin' crazy! Who knows if these cells will continue to grow and maybe take over my entire head..??? I'm speechless. What would you do in my shoes?
I NEED A MIRACLE! I need God to help me and help these specialists to come up with a better treatment plan than what they have shared with me so far. Time is running out and I must make the decision before end of this week. I'm seeing the specialist tomorrow to discuss this but I don't know if I am confident enough to make the decision. My treatment needs to start next Monday. We don't want this cancer to progress! I need God's help to make me stay calm, focus, positive, and to help me make the best and wise decision. Which option is the best decision? *In tears...* Which one? This is such a tough call....
I almost want to be brave enough to say F*** this cancer! I'm gonna tell this cancer to leave me alone, go away and I'll give you my left eye as long you don't come back, give me a full, long, happy and healthy life. I DON"T have time to play this game! I don't have time to gamble! I'm a busy mom. Got a kid waiting for me to show him this world and help him reach his own goals. I got a loving husband that I need to spend more time with and enjoy EVEN more than ever before each other. I got a loving family, relatives, and friends that I cannot wait to celebrate, and hang out with! I DON'T HAVE TIME for it to reoccur and go through more treatments in the future. I want to take all the time that I have in my lifetime to enjoy life.. live it... work it... do the things I love... with my and only right eye..... I'm trying to tell myself that many blind people would die to have even 1 eye working. Maybe this is how I should keep telling myself..... Is this the right decision? OMG... I don't know.... This has been by far the toughest and most challenging game I've been put in the field to deal with!!!!
Please help by praying for me. Don't hesitate to reach out if you want. I don't feel like I'm being bothered. Instead, I need more positive attitude and energy to help me win this battle and gain a miracle.
When will I see light at the end of this tunnel? The specialist reviewed my MRI results with me yesterday, I can't believe BAD... very BAD news can keep coming. I am still trying to hang in there but I feel like hanging on to a thread this time. They said that my cancer in my neck area is treatable with a lower dose of radiation. The challenge is the portion that is behind my nose. It has extended close to my left eye. So close to the optical nerve... this is the nerve that gives us the ability to see. They thought for a long time and right now it seems like there are 2 radiation treatment options with compromises as follow:
a) They give me the high dose of radiation to kill the cancer cells. This would mean that 90% survival rate with a 10% chance re-occurrence. This would mean that they will take out my optical nerve on my left eye and therefore, won't be able to see from this eye for the rest of my life.
b) They give me a slightly lower dose of radiation in the same area but this may or may not kill all the cancer cells. There may be some left behind or not. We don't know if that little bit does stay behind will continue or not continue to grow. This treatment option translates to ~ 80% survival rate with a 20-25% chance of re-occurrence, and a 10-20% risk of the left eye going blind.
WHAT THE HELL?! Like having cancer is not bad enough and now I need to chose 1 of these crazy options?! I'm beyond devastated. I tried to sleep last night but I couldn't! From time to time, my heart was racing so much. I really don't want to lose my eye!! But I also want the highest survival success rate!!!! Going with Option A nobody knows if I will have this reoccur. With my luck these days, 10% seems such a big number to me. However, going with Option B is also a tough call... I might still go blind anyway 10-15 years down the road. And the fact that there may be some C cells left behind, that is effin' crazy! Who knows if these cells will continue to grow and maybe take over my entire head..??? I'm speechless. What would you do in my shoes?
I NEED A MIRACLE! I need God to help me and help these specialists to come up with a better treatment plan than what they have shared with me so far. Time is running out and I must make the decision before end of this week. I'm seeing the specialist tomorrow to discuss this but I don't know if I am confident enough to make the decision. My treatment needs to start next Monday. We don't want this cancer to progress! I need God's help to make me stay calm, focus, positive, and to help me make the best and wise decision. Which option is the best decision? *In tears...* Which one? This is such a tough call....
I almost want to be brave enough to say F*** this cancer! I'm gonna tell this cancer to leave me alone, go away and I'll give you my left eye as long you don't come back, give me a full, long, happy and healthy life. I DON"T have time to play this game! I don't have time to gamble! I'm a busy mom. Got a kid waiting for me to show him this world and help him reach his own goals. I got a loving husband that I need to spend more time with and enjoy EVEN more than ever before each other. I got a loving family, relatives, and friends that I cannot wait to celebrate, and hang out with! I DON'T HAVE TIME for it to reoccur and go through more treatments in the future. I want to take all the time that I have in my lifetime to enjoy life.. live it... work it... do the things I love... with my and only right eye..... I'm trying to tell myself that many blind people would die to have even 1 eye working. Maybe this is how I should keep telling myself..... Is this the right decision? OMG... I don't know.... This has been by far the toughest and most challenging game I've been put in the field to deal with!!!!
Please help by praying for me. Don't hesitate to reach out if you want. I don't feel like I'm being bothered. Instead, I need more positive attitude and energy to help me win this battle and gain a miracle.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Breaking the news to Parents and Family
It takes a lot of courage to break the news to my parents. But I did it! This past Thursday night, I finally told them over the phone. I asked that they patiently listen to what I have to say, it may be a 20 minutes long but I asked that they don't interrupt until I'm done. They listened and to my surprise, both of them seemed to have taken the news pretty well. My dad, the smart one, knew for a while that I was up to something. He's very supportive and said that I'll beat it. He appreciates and proudly said that I've been handling all of this very well. I'm glad that I waited on sharing this news. They asked away several questions that I wouldn't have been able to answer it if I didn't wait until I see the specialists!
I finally sent this blog to my closest cousins just a few minutes ago. Probably in the next 24-48 hours, my aunts/uncles will also find out. I plan on sharing this news to my in-laws next week. It's going to be just as tough as sharing this news to my own parents because they are like my mom and dad.
All the necessary tests are completed! I'm now waiting for the doctors to tally up their findings, and come up with their recommended treatment plan! Stay tuned! I will share in my next blog my personal treatment strategic plan! :)
I finally sent this blog to my closest cousins just a few minutes ago. Probably in the next 24-48 hours, my aunts/uncles will also find out. I plan on sharing this news to my in-laws next week. It's going to be just as tough as sharing this news to my own parents because they are like my mom and dad.
All the necessary tests are completed! I'm now waiting for the doctors to tally up their findings, and come up with their recommended treatment plan! Stay tuned! I will share in my next blog my personal treatment strategic plan! :)
Thursday, March 7, 2013
My View of God
While I'm waiting for the last test appointment, my brain starts to take off again. This time, some good thoughts. Who knows why God chose me to go through this but I believe whenever things like this happens, it also affects folks around me. Hopefully in a good way. Maybe God chose me because not only he wants me to reflect on the meaning of life but also people that I know to do the same. And I guess I know a lot of people. Maybe he's trying to tell us something and one way to spread his words fast is to choose someone like me. If he really wants me to die, he could have taken me! So I need to stop thinking that I will die because nothing on hand is telling me so. Sure there are survival rates and death risks. But what doesn't have risk? My close cousin asked me recently, there's risk of getting killed when you cross a street, are you not going to cross then? Of course not!
I saw something on FB that I want to share with you all. Hopefully, this can trigger some positive thoughts and self reflection.
Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure
Me: Promise You won't get mad
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
God: Okay
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
God: Huummm
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right
Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that
Me (humbled): OH
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
Me: (ashamed)
God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
Me (embarrassed):Okay
God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
Me (softly): I see God
God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
Me: I'm Sorry God
God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.
Me: I will trust You.
God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.
Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.
God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." - Proverbs 9:10
I saw something on FB that I want to share with you all. Hopefully, this can trigger some positive thoughts and self reflection.
God: Sure
Me: Promise You won't get mad
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
God: Okay
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
God: Huummm
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right
Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that
Me (humbled): OH
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.
Me: (ashamed)
God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
Me (embarrassed):Okay
God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.
Me (softly): I see God
God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
Me: I'm Sorry God
God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.
Me: I will trust You.
God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.
Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.
God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...
"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." - Proverbs 9:10
Testing Day
Today, I get all kinds of testing done at PMH! I'm praying that all the tests come back confirming that I'm only at the early stages. I just came back out from a CT scan and now waiting for my next appointment:MRI. Since I'm down here all by myself and it's a long day here, I've packed up my survival kit to kill time and keep my sanity level intact!! I have my laptop, 2 large bottles of water, antioxidant hot green tea, cellphone, 2 magazines, my Sophie Kinsella book, and a container full of blackberries! Going to stay strong! :)
Although I didn't sleep well last night because Jake keeps waking up and I was anxious for today, all the kinds words of support from friends who read my blog helped me try to stay focus. It's true that people say don't sweat the small stuff. I'm pretty numb these days to sweat any small stuff. If it is not life and death, why sweat?! You too, if you're not facing life and death, don't sweat whatever problems you're dealing with! It's not worth it and honestly, what's the big deal!
Thank you for your positive energy and support! I know many of you want to offer a hand with anything. Right now, I don't know what help I need other than asking you to keep cheering, praying, and sending those words of encouragement! :)
Tonight, I plan on sharing this sad news with my parents. I can no longer hide from them... it's been 2 weeks now and my parents keep asking me if I got the biopsy results from my nose. Since I am a parent too, I understand that they are worried and wants to know. Hopefully, after a long day here at the hospital, I'll have the energy to share this news with them over the phone.
Although I didn't sleep well last night because Jake keeps waking up and I was anxious for today, all the kinds words of support from friends who read my blog helped me try to stay focus. It's true that people say don't sweat the small stuff. I'm pretty numb these days to sweat any small stuff. If it is not life and death, why sweat?! You too, if you're not facing life and death, don't sweat whatever problems you're dealing with! It's not worth it and honestly, what's the big deal!
Tonight, I plan on sharing this sad news with my parents. I can no longer hide from them... it's been 2 weeks now and my parents keep asking me if I got the biopsy results from my nose. Since I am a parent too, I understand that they are worried and wants to know. Hopefully, after a long day here at the hospital, I'll have the energy to share this news with them over the phone.
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